Mark’s Soy Nuggets Tutorial

As I mentioned in my earlier post, we’re having an unusual dinner night here this evening, resulting in my husband, Mark, having Trader Joe’s frozen soy nuggets for dinner. He wanted to put together a tutorial for you here on the blog, although his idea of putting together a tutorial was making me photograph and write it up. He did dictate the steps for me, though, so I will try to remember what he said via the photos. I’ll mostly let the photographs speak for themselves, however.

First, wash your hands.

Dry your hands.

Remove nuggets from freezer.

Open nugget box.

Open inner nugget bag.

Remove cat from work area.

Remove nuggets from box.

Place nuggets in microwave.

Close nugget box.

Interlude: Things to Do While Waiting for Nuggets to Cook

Admire your spotted dick.

Love your cat.

Back to Nuggets

Test nuggets for warmness.

Shake nuggets to see if they wiggle.

Remove melty things (ie, chocolate) from top of toaster oven.

Arrange nuggets in toaster oven.

Turn up heat as high as it will go.

Interlude: Waiting for Nuggets to Get Crispy

Make your cat drink.

Wear colander on your head. (Bonus: also keeps aliens at bay.)

Wear sticky rice steaming basket on head.

Wear sticky rice steaming pot on head.

Pretend you have lemons for eyes.

Locate guillotine.

Play with knives.

Brush your hair.

Brush your teeth.

Back to Nuggets

Check for crispiness.

Interlude: Still Waiting for Nuggets

Photograph cat.

Eat a wooden apple.

Regret eating wooden apple.

Back to Nuggets

Nuggets are done.

Use whatever implement you can find to open hot toaster oven door (in this case, a potato masher).

Remove nuggets by flipping from oven to plate with one finger.

Close toaster oven door with your implement.

You certainly don’t want to touch the dials with your hands.

Mark’s secret! Cut each nugget in half so it seems like you have twice as many!

This step is very important, according to Mark. GROSSLY over-salt your probably already-salty nuggets.

Apply ketchup to plate.

Add hot sauce to ketchup.

Mix ketchup and hot sauce with finger.



Wash down.


  1. Shalu Said,

    April 13, 2008 @ 5:50 am

    LOL! nicely done!

  2. Pirate Said,

    April 13, 2008 @ 6:25 pm

    At least he dried his hands on what look to be clean pants, but keep the cat off the counter 🙂

  3. Mark Said,

    April 13, 2008 @ 10:54 pm

    I’ve already had a few people comment to me on AIM about how good I am at being a total r-tard.

  4. renae Said,

    April 13, 2008 @ 11:02 pm

    You’re stealing the show on my blog!

  5. muck Said,

    April 14, 2008 @ 2:38 am

    Haha, this is great! Also, it is at more at my cooking skill level. Mark should do more guest spots on this blog!

  6. muck Said,

    April 14, 2008 @ 2:38 am

    (am not an r-tard)

  7. Nikki Said,

    April 22, 2008 @ 11:09 pm

    yay Smakus cooked dinner! I’m luvin the new blog nae-nae head!

  8. Eliz Camacho Said,

    May 7, 2008 @ 10:34 am

    Looks yummilicious to me – i do the same ketchup & hotsauce & mix w/finger routine… Not very femine but gets the job done!

  9. sheree Said,

    May 18, 2008 @ 4:47 pm

    Hysterical!! The 3 stooges couldn’t have done a better job!! Thanks for the free comedy show. Shoot, maybe high school home ec teachers should take some hints from this post! :o)

  10. Cindy Said,

    May 27, 2008 @ 2:46 pm

    Gotta remove the nuggets from the oven with your fingers! Always! Gotta start eating them while they’re too hot. Good stuff.

  11. Lucy Said,

    November 15, 2008 @ 9:22 pm

    Cute and Funny!! I’m glad your man can “cook”. I laughed because I was expecting a seitan chicken making tutorial but this was better. I give him credit because my man does not know how to even fry an

  12. Ruby Red Vegan Said,

    January 11, 2009 @ 1:08 pm

    Hahaha! Best recipe ever. That was really helpful, so thank you. All this time I have been cooking my soy nuggets the wrong way!

  13. shawn the misplaced meat eater Said,

    July 18, 2010 @ 7:39 pm

    I HAVE EVERYTHING TO DO THIS EXCEPT THE LEMONS! Does anyone have an alternate recipe?

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