Mark makes Vegan Dad’s Shaved Seitan BBQ Sandwich

Mark saw Vegan Dad’s Shaved Seitan BBQ Sandwich the other day and commented that he was going to have me make it for him because it looked so good. Vegan Dad responded that he was sure Mark could handle making it for himself. Well, neither Mark nor I were so sure about that, but we decided to try it and see. Follows are photos of Mark’s attempt to make Vegan Dad’s Shaved Seitan BBQ Sandwich.

First he rinsed the beans.

Then he measured one cup of them and added them to the blender.

He almost turned the blender on and blended his hand with the beans.

Then he measured the water …

… and the oil …

… and paprika.

But tried to eat the salt. (He also furtively put a third teaspoon of salt into the blender, which resulted in a severe reprimand from me.)

I don’t know what he’s doing here.

Then he had to crush the fennel, which he enjoyed.

The molcajete is very heavy …

… but Mark is very strong.

He finished measuring the spices.

Then he got into my sugarcane.

He was bored with grinding an entire teaspoon of pepper, even with my super-awesome grinder. (Clearly he doesn’t know how to have a good time.)

So he tried to amuse himself.

At this point in time, he decided he was going to make the remainder of the meal while wearing my very dirty oven mitts.

He was very proud of his ability to measure a teaspoon of soy sauce wearing the mitts.

Yay for Mark!

He decided he needed a “chef’s hat” in order to properly blend the ingredients.

The blended ingredients:

Next he measured the vital wheat gluten …

… and added the blended ingredients to it.

Then he kneaded everything together.

Why does it look like he’s throwing his brain around?

Here he was singing, “It’s log, log, it’s big, it’s heavy, it’s wood. It’s log, log, it’s better than bad, it’s good!”

Then he wrapped the log in foil.

And smoked it.

Then steamed it.

Then he went to play video games while I cleaned up this mess:

A little while later he returned to the kitchen to make another mess, a.k.a. the barbeque sauce. I told him to slice the onion. But didn’t realize for a minute or two that I had to tell him to first PEEL the onion.

So he peeled it and started slicing it …

… until I got nervous and told him to cut it in half and then slice it. Then he moved on to the garlic.

At this time, the log was ready to go into the oven.

He added some margarine to a large pot, then the onions and garlic, which he sauteed for 15 minutes.

Meanwhile he measured the remaining sauce ingredients. He has this habit of adding things to the bowl from as high up as he possibly can, in what I believe is an effort to maximize the size of the mess he makes.

It drives me crazy …

… even though he assured me he’d clean the mess up.

He doesn’t learn his lesson, either.

He tasted it several times to make sure it had enough hot sauce.

When the onions were cooked down, he added the other ingredients to them.

Then he went back to video games. After a while, he was very anxious to see his “log” and asked if he was allowed to look at it yet. I said yes.

He seemed unsure at first sight.

But then he tasted it and his eyes lit up.

He was very proud of himself.

He cut some into chunks …

… and sliced a couple of the homemade kaiser rolls I had made earlier in the day (which, by the way, utilized a pâte fermentée).

He added some of the BBQ sauce to the seitan pieces and stirred them together, oblivious to my pleading to please put the bowl on the counter to stir so he wouldn’t drop it.

Then he made the sandwiches and added a “garnish” to his plate.

Overall, he was very pleased with himself.

Mark said that he couldn’t believe he had made something that tasted so good. I concluded that although it did taste very good, Mark should probably not be allowed in the kitchen without constant and direct adult supervision.


  1. Vegan Dad Said,

    June 22, 2008 @ 10:07 pm

    This is totally awesome. I was being flippant, of course, but it actually resulted in some real change! Dudes really are doin’ it for themelves in the kitchen! Huzzah for Mark!

  2. Cecilia Said,

    June 22, 2008 @ 11:37 pm

    haha, does anyone else think that Mark is a clone of Jim Carrey?? (Hey, he really DOES look a bit like him, hrmmm…..) He’s soo wacky and funny .. you two are definitely a match in heaven!!

    Love your blog by the way … I’m so glad I found it!! :0)

  3. Steffi Said,

    June 23, 2008 @ 1:01 pm

    Hahahaha, awesome photostory. Ain’t it cute when guys are so proud of having cooked something? Vegan guy cooking rocks 🙂

  4. Cindy Said,

    June 23, 2008 @ 2:30 pm

    I can tell from the pictures that the jackfruit carnitas were much tastier than the seiten bbq sandwich 😉

  5. frappé de folie Said,

    June 24, 2008 @ 4:03 am

    ahhahahahha it really looked like his brain :-)))
    awesome blog, congrats!

  6. joyful in chucktown Said,

    July 2, 2008 @ 9:33 pm

    Please, don’t let Mark use a knife!

  7. tempeh tee Said,

    August 10, 2010 @ 11:48 pm

    hahahaha CoNSTANT and DIRECT 😉
    such boy energy
    great shots and tres funny captions
    ex oh

  8. Georgia Said,

    September 13, 2011 @ 10:07 am

    Hi 🙂 the bird with the yellow beak is called a ‘plover’. There is a myth they have spikes under their wings. I have never seen this but I have been attacked by one before and its really scary. Hope this helped!

  9. Jonna Said,

    March 19, 2012 @ 7:55 pm

    Sheesh, I’m glad he set foot in the kitchen, but I’ve never seen anyone so proud of being so useless.

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