Vegan Cocktail Weiners

The weekend before last, Mark and I went bowling. Bowling isn’t something we ordinarily do, but we thought it’d be fun. I kicked Mark’s butt!

Mark claims it was because I was “trained” in bowling, but the fact of the matter is that although I did in fact take both Bowling and Billiards as my gym credits in college, I had to cheat to pass bowling class. I suck at bowling. Also, bowling class was at 8:30 a.m., which is simply outrageous. At least Billiards was at 4:30, when the bar was open and I could drink beer during class.

Anyway, we went bowling, and we didn’t take any skinheads. After bowling, we wandered into a nearby Vietnamese grocery store because I had never been there. I was surprised to find a lot of frozen vegan “meat” there, some of which I purchased just for the novelty of it. One of the items I found was vegan cocktail weiners:

What’s more, vegan cocktail weiners are entirely borax-free!!

I know it may seem extreme to some, but Mark and I are both committed to a borax-free diet. So into my shopping basket this rare find went!

Apparently what you are supposed to do with cocktail weiners is mix together a jar of grape jelly and a jar of barbecue or chili sauce and throw in the tiny weiners, then cook, generally in a crockpot. I can’t stand bottled barbecue sauces to begin with because they are too sweet, so I can’t even imagine to what levels of disgust grape jelly would elevate it. Therefore I made up my own weiner sauce. (Apparently cocktail weiners are also sometimes called “little smokies” and though that nomenclature has its appeal, I’m sticking to weiner.)

I bought a pineapple (it’s my favorite fruit!) for our weekend-long party, but never got around to serving it. Oops. So I incorporated it into tonight’s dinner as the “sweet” flavor. If you don’t have a pineapple lying around, try agave nectar or brown sugar to taste for the sweetness.

Vegan Cocktail Weiners in a Spicy-Sweet Weineralicious Sauce

1/3 cup chili sauce
2 Tbsp prepared yellow mustard
2 Tbsp vegan Worcestershire sauce
2 Tbsp apple cider vinegar
2 slices pineapple (fresh, frozen, or canned), chopped finely
sriracha, to taste
8 oz vegan cocktail weiners (try cutting up regular-sized vegan hot dogs if you can’t find these, maybe adding a little liquid smoke to the sauce)

Defrost the weiners if necessary. I put them in a pot of hot water and put a weight on them to submerge them. Within 10 minutes they were defrosted.

If necessary, core and slice the pineapple. I set it in a bowl so I can collect any juice that escapes; I poured this juice into the sauce pot.

Chop the pineapple finely; you should have about 1/3 cup.

Mark’s been complaining for a few years that we never have “normal” mustard. By this he means French’s yellow mustard. I love mustard and prefer a high class product. I recently caved in and bought him some French’s as a treat. Cocktail weiner sauce seemed like something that would call for French’s. Use whatever mustard strikes your fancy, and add it with all the other ingredients except the weiners to a small pot.

To my surprise, the cocktail weiners were individually wrapped like tiny little sausages; I had to pop them each out of their casing.

Add the weiners to the sauce:

Simmer over medium-low heat until the weiners are warmed through and the sauce is thickened.


Mark pronounced the cocktail weiners “strangely good”. I’d buy them again.

In other news, since I sometimes talk about books here despite the fact they are rarely considered food (except in Firmin, which, by the way, is a very cute book), I would like to announce that it is my opinion that Pride and Prejudice is improved greatly by the addition of zombies. Fortinbras brought Pride and Prejudice and Zombies down for me this weekend and I’ve been reading it along side the original, which I hadn’t read for many years. As far as I remember I was pretty ambivalent about P&P when I read it, which must have been in college because it has a price tag from my university on it. Reading the zombified version, however, I find myself constantly going back to the original to see if the non-zombie parts are really quite as ridiculous in the original and they are! The zombie version, which uses the original text for at least half of the wording, is actually much easier to read as they’ve tightened up the prose in order to fit the zombies in. Maybe it’s sacrilegious for an English major to prefer zombies to pure Pride, but it’s a lot more lively. Which is a funny assessment to make of the living dead, I guess.


  1. jd Said,

    May 27, 2009 @ 1:33 am

    Heh, the only “bowling” that I’m trained in is on Wii! However, I probably would’ve taken a class in it during college if we could’ve had beer – talk about cool!

    Anyway, those vegan weiners (LOL!) look amazingly authentic. Although I was never a fan of them during my pre-vegan days, it’s pretty cool to know that they exist!

    Great pics, by the way 🙂

  2. Nikki Said,

    May 27, 2009 @ 2:06 am

    Hi! Started reading your blog about a month ago…but I don’t think I’ve actually commented yet! Loved the stuff on caring for cast iron, by the way.

    Concerning the eating of books, there used to be a segment on ZeD, a Canadian film/music/general nonsense show called “Cook a Book,” where they both reviewed a book and turned the actual book into an appropriate culinary dish (and if memory serves, while wearing scuba gear, although that might have been just one episode). This segment was added after the show had undergone a makeover of sorts that turned out for the worse, with this bizarre exception. Wish I could send a link, but Zed’s been dead for years now (partially due to that bad makeover), and they’re website looks like it was just recently removed.

  3. renae Said,

    May 27, 2009 @ 12:50 pm

    jd, I can’t remember if I ever even had real cocktail weiners, but the vegan ones were so…silly, I guess…that I couldn’t resist buying them!

    Nikki: ZeD’s dead, baby, ZeD is dead. Sorry, couldn’t resist! That’s too bad, though, it sounds like the sort of silly nonsense I’d enjoy.

  4. Josiane Said,

    May 27, 2009 @ 3:06 pm

    Hm, now I wonder if they had vegan “meat” at the Vietnamese grocery store that was near my old place… I never stayed long enough in there to see every thing they had: the fish and meat smell in there was horrendous! I’ll have to go in and check out the freezers next time I’m around there!
    Your sauce recipe sounds great, though, and certainly tastes much better than pre-made sauce!

  5. pleasurefromthethorns Said,

    July 24, 2009 @ 12:15 am

    i miss being so close to good, well stocked ethnic markets. i hope you don’t mind but i installed a link to your blog on my blog. i think more people need access to your recipes, myself included!

  6. Keven Mann Said,

    December 22, 2013 @ 5:41 pm

    I would like to purchase the coctail weiners you used, but I can’t find them in our local ethnic markets. Do you have any information so that I could order them online?

  7. renae Said,

    December 22, 2013 @ 6:27 pm

    Keven, not the same brand, but May-Wah has some vegan cocktail sausages: I’ve ordered from them several times. They are great to work with and their products are good; the only drawback is there is a minimum order of $50…or at least there used to be – I can’t find anything about a minimum order on their site right now.

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